After
by RoseCleo1
Summary: After 8x23 "Sacrifice" Dean, Sam, Cas, and how they coped. Eventual Destiel. Rated M for eventual smut.
1. Dean and Sam

After the angels fell, Dean couldn't afford to think about Cas. He didn't have the time to worry over an angel –well, former angel- with everything else on his plate. He first had to deal with Sam. Dean needed to take care of his brother, just as he had done his whole life. He carried Sam back to the bunker, pushed him into bed and undressed him. This wasn't new, when they were kids and Sam would get injured on a hunt it was always Dean would shower him, Dean who made sure he put on clean pajamas, and it was Dean who stayed with his little brother until Sam fell asleep. Dean hadn't done all that for Sam in a long time, but he did that night. Not until Sam was as fixed up as he could get, and sound asleep, was Dean free to think about Cas.

Everyday Dean would get up first, make Sam stay in bed, make Sam eat breakfast, and make it explicitly clear to Sam that he was to do nothing but recover. Every night Dean Winchester would fall into bed, exhausted but unable to sleep, and worry about Cas. Every night he would pray to Cas, and late at night, when he couldn't hold it in anymore, he would cry for Cas. Sam couldn't help but notice that as he was getting stronger again, his brother was losing sleep, getting thinner day by day as the bags under his eyes got progressively darker everyday that Cas was still missing. But Dean Winchester pushed it down, and stuck to his priorities. Because Sam always had and always would come first.

Weeks passed and life returned to normal, more normal than the Winchesters had ever experienced. Sam was mostly healthy again and Dean was coping in his typical way, ignore your feelings and you won't feel them. Sam had tried to get Dean to come up with a plan of action, after all, there were thousands of graceless angels just walking around, but Dean refused.

"You know what, Sammy? This time we're not going to do anything. This time we are going to let someone else clean up the mess. We have saved the goddamn world over and over again and never gotten one bit of thanks. So this ONE FUCKING TIME we are just going to sit it out."

Sam couldn't argue with Dean about that, everything he had said was true. They made no effort to contact anyone, after all every fairly consistent person in their lives was dead, they spent their days reading through the Men of Letters books. Sam had started organizing them into a library, using a modified version of the Dewey Decimal system. Dean would work on the Impala when Sam did this, not wanting to be roped into helping him with his "nerd shit".

Slowly, they healed. They talked and smiled and even laughed. They were brothers again, just brothers.

Please review this to help me improve it! All criticism welcome!


	2. Enter Cas

The day that Cas was found started like every other day. It was entirely ordinary until exactly 12:00 in the morning, when a knock was heard on the door of the Batcave. Dean grabbed the nearest gun, and while holding it at the ready, approached the door slowly.

"Ready Sammy?" Dean's voice was unusually gruff. They weren't expecting visitors (who would be visiting them anyway?) and it was Winchester instinct to mistrust anything out of the ordinary. Sam nodded, his own gun out and pointing at the door. Dean opened the door quickly, instantly aiming his gun at the person standing there. Then he dropped it. Dean Winchester, hunter extraordinaire, savior of the world, paranoid bastard whose father had beat into him the one most important lesson, ("constant vigilance!") dropped his gun. The man standing in the doorway was none other than Castiel. He looked awful. It was obvious by the way his clothes hung loosely around him that he was painfully thin. His gaunt and hollow face made it clear that sleep wasn't something he experienced in excess. His face was dirty, and that was nothing compared to his trench coat.

Dean Winchester stared at Cas as though he was made of solid gold, priceless beyond all else. For an immeasurable minute they stood, drinking each other in, coming to terms with the fact that the man each had been waiting for, searching for, and praying for, was right in front of their eyes. This stare said things neither of them could say with words, I miss you, I need you, I love you. It was only around 30 seconds to Sam, who was trying to be as unobtrusive as possible in their moment, but to Dean and Cas it was an eternity. Finally Dean stepped forward and enveloped Cas in a long, tight hug. They stood like that for a while and Dean could feel Cas's body sag, the stress ease out of it a little, as he gripped Dean tight and waited for the hunter to raise him from this hell. After a little while Dean could feel Cas shaking a little with dry sobs of relief, sheer relief at the fact that he was safe now, he was loved now, and Dean would take care of him from now on.

Sorry it took me so ling guys! I'll try to make the next one quicker! Please tell me what you think in the comments!


	3. Just One Night

This one's really short, next one's going to be much longer.

That night was the first night Cas went into Dean's room. He had the decency to knock first, allowing Dean time to pull on his robe. Dean stormed to the door, ready to give whoever had woken him up a piece of his mind. All of his anger vanished however when he saw the look on Cas's face. Dean had never seen anyone look so alone or afraid.

"Hello Dean. I cannot fall asleep." Cas explained. "I am aware it is not customary for two humans with a platonic relationship to share a bed, but I was wondering if you would make an exception?"

"You- you want to sleep in my bed?" Dean's lethargic brain was a little slow on the update.

"Yes, please. However, I will first need to be instructed on how to sleep." Had Dean been any less drowsy, or had Cas looked any less pitiful, Dean would have said no. As it was he gave a grudging nod and opened his door. Cas got methodically into bed, wearing some of Dean's old clothes as pajamas, (after Sam had insisted he could not wear his trench coat and suit to bed it was determined that Dean would be the donor, as Sam's clothing was too big for Cas.) Dean flopped into the bed as well.

"Ok, so, Step number one: lay down and get comfy." Dean took his own advice, curling up on his side. Cas mimicked him.

"Step two: close your eyes." Den and Cas closed their eyes in unison and the former angel heard Dean's breathing instantly become deeper and more even. Cas imitated his friend's breathing, pondering the curious habits of humans.

"Step three:" Dean's voice was slower now, his words slightly slurred, "don't move." Keeping Dean's final instruction in mind, Cas continued to match their breathing.

As always, all criticism welcome!


	4. The Next Picasso

Dean woke up feeling better rested than he had felt in years; rolling over he saw an empty bed. Dean fought down the unexpected disappointment at Cas's absence. Pulling some clothes on Dean meandered into the kitchen, where he found Sam making a breakfast of eggs and bacon and Cas sitting by the kitchen counter watching Sam with an expression of intense concentration.

" 'Morning Dean," Sam remarked, noticing that his brother looked less haggard than usual.

" 'Morning Sam, Cas," Dean replied rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.

"Hello Dean. I am learning the culinary arts from your brother."

"Oh yeah, he's a real breakfast artist." Dean responded with a chuckle. Dean hesitated, trying to decide the right way to ask, before deciding to just come right out and saying it. "So, Cas, man… what happened?" The tension in the kitchen immediately got thicker as Sam and Cas processed Dean's words.

Cas told them everything, told them of Megatron's false promise and his betrayal. He told them of his journey to them, how he barely survived, and only by the help of shelters and soup kitchens,

"But Cas," Dean interrupted, "how did you know where to find us?"

"I met someone along the way," Cas stated, looking slightly happy for the first time in his story, "One of the towns I was passing through was hosting, I believe it is called a 'Comical Convention'?"

"Oh, Comic Con," Dean supplied.

"Yes. There I met a woman by the name of Charlie Bradbury. At first I did not trust her when she said she was a friend of Sam and Dean, but eventually I could see her obvious benign demeanor. She is an interesting specimen of human life. She informed me of the location of your, she called it a 'Batcave'?"

"Yea," Dean chuckled, "It's good to hear Charlie's doing alright. But how are you Cas, really?"

"I am… less than fine. At all times of the day I am plagued with the guilt of my betrayal. I am to blame for the falling of my brothers and sisters. When they find out the truth they will seek to kill me, and I would deserve it. I have gotten the gates of heaven closed to angels forever. And, I can't do anything to fix it in this useless mortal body!" Cas had gotten mad now; his voice rose in volume and intensity so that it was almost reminiscent of his former angelic self. "I have always admired the humans, the prize of my father's creation, however now that I am one myself, I realize the many short comings of this form. It needs to be rested, fed and watered many times a day, it stinks, it excretes waste, and worst of all are these crippling emotions! I had begun to experience feelings when I was angel, but now they are constant and debilitating." Cas took a deep breath, "And most of all I fully regret all the times I have let you down, Sam, Dean. I did not appreciate before how fully my actions hurt you and I am so sorry. Dean," Cas looked right into Dean's eyes, "Dean I am so sorry."

"No problem Cas, but you definitely don't deserve to die. You made a mistake, you were tricked and you meant no harm," said Sam

Dean however took a little longer to answer. Staring at Cas with the soul-searching gaze they had shared many times before, he seemed to be unable to find the right words.

"Cas," he began finally, "I never have and never will lose faith in you. I was angry, for sure, and I certainly felt betrayed, but I never stopped caring about you, and I never lost loyalty. You are forgiven." They smiled at each other, sharing the moment, until Sam coughed, and Dean looked hastily away.

"How about some breakfast?" Dean said gruffly, ending the chick-flick moment.

Cas didn't move from his seat by the counter, but sat there, a small smile on his face as he returned to watching Sam work his eggs and bacon masterpiece.

Reviews much appreciated!


	5. Everyone Has Their Secrets

ugghh the title of this chapter is shit, but I couldn't think of anything better. The next chapter will be posted within the next 8 days I promise!

Dean and Sam taught Cas everything he needed to know to become human. Cas wasn't stupid, he had watched humanity for thousands of years, and knew how to do everything – in theory. In practice he was a little less experienced, but he picked most of it up quickly and soon he was settled into the routine of being human.

Sam and Dean had started hunting again, shortly after Cas had arrived. They insisted that Cas could not come with them when they dealt with the "thing" in question, claiming it was too dangerous. Cas was not very happy about being left behind like an invalid, but he was still very weak form his journey to the Winchesters and eventually agreed to let them go without him, PROVIDED they allowed him to come along on the less dangerous parts of the hunt. Research was something Cas proved to have quite a talent at, and that process was significantly sped up thanks to him. He was still learning on how to ask questions that an actual FBI agent might ask, and eventually Sam and Dean told him to just stay quiet when they were questioning people. Sam and Dean stayed away from hunts that would put them in contact with other hunters, or brought them back into the life of angles and demons. They did salt and burns, took care of rogue monsters, and even a couple witches. They didn't hunt constantly, and they only did fairly local cases, coming back to sleep in the bunker almost every night. Neither Sam nor Dean wanted to say it, but they preferred this new, more relaxed, way of hunting.

Nights were more difficult than days. Cas was experiencing nightmares for the first time, and they were bad ones judging by the screams that shot through the bunker. When it got too much to bear, Dean would come into Cas's room and wake him from his subconscious tortures. Cas would be shaking when he woke up and he always clutched to Dean like it was essential for his survival. Dean would bring Cas back to his room, and they slept together. Cas didn't seem to have any nightmares when he was with Dean, but every morning when Dean woke up, Cas had already gone. Dean had to admire Cas's quiet. Dean slept on hair-trigger alert and fact that Cas could sneak off without him noticing was impressive.

One such morning Dean rolled into the kitchen to see Cas, as always. What was less typical was that Cas was doing the cooking, instead of Sam. (Dean cooked dinner of course, and it was usually some kind of grilled meat, but Sam was the breakfast man) Cas seemed to be doing well, or at least there were no fires and nothing was spattered on the floor.

"What's up, Cas?" Dean asked.

"Sam has gone for a morning run and put me in charge of cooking. We are having fried eggs and sausages with strawberries."

"Cool," said Dean, "it smells amazing."

"Thank you, Dean." Dean swallowed his nerves, and decided to just jump right in.

"So Cas, it's getting kind of tiring for me to have to come and get you every night-"

"I am sorry Dean. Please do not lose sleep over me."

"No, Cas, I meant, what if you just went to sleep in my bed? Because, like, that way I wouldn't have to get up to get you?" There was a long pause. Cas seemed very intent on making sure his eggs didn't get burned.

"You know what Cas, never mind, it was a stupid idea," said Dean, desperately trying to save face.

"No, Dean. I would very much like that."

"Cool." Dean went back to watching Cas cook, a small smile on his face.

"But, um, Cas?"

"Yes."

"Would it be ok if we didn't tell Sammy about this?"

Cas hesitated, "Of course Dean."

Comments always make my day!


	6. Dazed and Confused

One of Castiel's favorite activities was driving. When he first started, Dean was very reluctant to let Cas drive his baby, but it soon became clear that Cas was a natural driver. Once Dean was confident in Cas's ability to take care of Baby, he let Castiel take her on long drives, going nowhere in particular. Dean came along sometimes, and sometimes Dean drove and Cas rode shotgun. This particular day, Cas was driving, with Dean. They were going nowhere, just meandering around the winding roads that surrounded the Men of Letters bunker. They rode in silence, with some Led Zeppelin playing quietly in the background.

"I like this song Dean," Cas commented. ("The sooouuuul of a woman was created belooooooww" crooned out of the stereo.)

"Yea, me too. Hey, Cas?"

"Yes Dean?"

"I just wanted to tell you that, um, now that your human, you're actually really cool. I mean, like, I like hanging out with you and stuff. An you have good taste in music and movies… And, uh, I never really had like a real friend before, you know? It's always just kind of been Sammy and me. So, um, I guess, you don't suck, man." Dean finished jokingly. Dean Winchester is a very skilled and capable man. But, he is absolute shit at feelings. He doesn't talk about them, he doesn't acknowledge them, he represses his feelings like a good little soldier and goes on with his life. But Dean knew that Castiel was having a hard time being a human, and he wanted Cas to know how he felt.

Cas didn't say anything. He didn't have to. Dean could tell by the look on his face that his words meant everything to Cas. Without Dean, Castiel felt his human life was worthless. Cas would never admit to Dean, or anyone else, that he thought about killing himself more than was probably healthy. But knowing that he made Dean's life just a little bit easier made Cas want to stay alive. When Cas finally spoke, it was seemingly unrelated.

"I enjoy driving. When I was an angel, I could teleport anywhere I needed to go. It was incredibly efficient, of course, and I often pitied humans at the lack of speed in their transportation. But now that I am human, I see what I was missing. There is something very relaxing about driving, it takes your mind off the problems and allows you to focus just on the movement. It is very much an escape."

"You know what, Cas?" Dean's voice was quiet and husky, "I feel exactly the same way."

(Taaake it easy baby, let them say what they will)

The next chapter is going to be quite long, so it may take me a while to post it, sorry:) Comments, questions, criticism, it all makes my day!


	7. Dream a Little Dream of Me

"I'm coming this time. It been a month now and I am perfectly capable of finishing this hunt." Castiel argued, trying desperately to convince the Winchesters.

"Do you even know how to fight?" Dean instantly regretted asking the question. A fire burned in Cas's eyes as he turned to glare at Dean. Taking a menacing step forward, Cas disregarded Dean's reminders of personal space.

"For millennia I was a soldier of God, boy. I have fought in more battles than you could count with your limited human brain. I know how to properly use every weapon known to mankind, as well as many that are not. I was taught how to fight from the time of my creation onward and there is nothing that you can do that I can't." Cas's voice had gotten more dangerous with every word, and by the end of his little speech; Dean was cowering, despite his attempt to make it look manly.

"Ok, fine, Cas can come." Sam interjected, trying to keep the peace.

"Good." Said Cas, and he stalked off to pack the necessary materials for the djinn they were hunting.

The old "haunted house" in the town of Franklin was a local legend. The old folks that Sam and Dean talked to told stories of friends that had gone up there and never retuned. At one point, the disappearance rate had gotten so high that the local police got involved and set up a patrol around the property to stop anyone sneaking in. With the patrol gone for some twenty years now, the kids in the town had started sneaking up into the house again. Their disappearance was what drew the Winchesters to the case. They had done their research and were almost positive it was a djinn. All three of them were stocked with multiple silver knives dipped in lamb's blood.

The rumble of the Impala foretold their presence as they drove slowly up the driveway of the ancient, dark mansion. It was picturesque, and Dean couldn't help but think, _this would be the perfect place to shoot a horror film_. They stole inside the front door.

"Ok," said Dean, his voice quiet so as not to alert the djinn, "we're going to stick together, watch each other's backs. We'll go through room by room until we find the son of a bitch and then it'll be one quick stab and it'll all be over, and we can have some pie." They stole around the house checking room after room.

Cas paused, hearing a soft noise coming from what seemed to be a closet a in the room they were in, well, that Cas was in, the brothers had just walked out. Castiel hesitated; he knew he should alert Dean and Sam, they should check this out together; that was the safest way. But Dean's voice rang in his ear, "Do you even know how to fight?" sneering, condescending. He didn't want Dean to think him incapable of even opening a closet door. So he did, letting Dean and Sam go head of him into the next room. The "closet" turned out to be a narrow hallway, a secret passage through the house. Cas walked through it cautiously, carefully, his knife at the ready. All of a sudden he felt something grab his arm. He looked up just in time to see the djinn face leering up at him, before passing out from the poison.

Castiel awoke to the sound of singing. Sitting up in a bed he couldn't remember falling asleep in he looked around at what appeared to be Dean's bedroom. Only, it wasn't Dean's bedroom as he remembered it. It had a more lived in feel, there were no more guns hanging on the wall, instead there were pictures. Cas looked at them curiously. Some of them had Sam in them, but mostly the pictures were of him and Dean. The biggest one, in the fanciest frame was a picture of him and Dean, both wearing tuxes, arms around each other and smiling like it was the happiest they had ever been. Looking closer at the picture, he saw that both himself and Dean were wearing wedding rings. He glanced down at his left hand and saw that he was still wearing that thin gold band. Listening closer to the singing that was emanating from outside his door, he recognized Led Zeppelin's Ramble On. The scene faded out before his eyes, to Castiel's extreme confusion, and was replaced by the view of an empty field. Castiel realized he was sitting on the hood of the Impala, and looking to his right Dean was next to him, beer in hand.

"Hey, Cas?" Dean said he voice much softer and gentler than the Dean that Cas knew.

"Yes Dean?" Cas had never been more confused in his life. Where was he? What was happening? What had happened to the Dean and Sam in the djinn's lair? But he couldn't bring himself to ask any of these questions, not with Dean looking at him like that, like the love of his life. He couldn't bring himself to do anything but play along. This dream was too good to want to wake up.

"I love you." The way Dean said those words, so casually, yet they rang so true, and honest. It was like Dean had said them a hundred times before and would say them a hundred times again. Castiel didn't think he had ever heard anything more beautiful.

"I love you too." And as he said it, Castiel realized that he truly meant it. He loved this man with all of his heart. If he was back in reality (for Castiel had accepted that this was some kind of bizarre alternate universe) that realization might have been the cause of a lot of pain and regret. But that world was starting to fade from his mind, and in this world there was nothing more natural or easy than to tell Dean that he loved him. The scene faded again, and when it resolved Cas was lying on a bed, naked, with Dean on top of him. Dean kissed him, slowly, passionately, with the air of someone who had all the time in the world. Dean kissed down his neck, stopping to suck on his collarbone, before returning to his lips.

"Ready, Cas?" Dean asked, his pupils dilated with lust, and love.

"Yes, Dean." Cas found himself saying. What? Where had that come from? The scenes seemed to be becoming more involuntary, like Cas was merely watching it all rather than experiencing it. _Fuck_, no, he was definitely experiencing it. He could feel Dean sliding inside him, slowly, lovingly, all the while planting kisses across Cas's chest and neck. Cas stopped thinking then, unable to do anything except moan into Dean, the intense pleasure coursing through his body. The scene dissolved before Cas's eyes, but his time it was different. This wasn't a smooth transition from one fantasy to the next, this was more like static on the radio, right in between stations, both were happening at he same time. He could see the real Dean now, dirty, with blood spattered on his face, he seemed to be yelling something, but Castiel couldn't hear him.

_I love you… I love you… I love… I love you… you… Cas, you… _That voice rang inside Castiel's head, echoing, fading, slowly fading. Now he could hear the real Dean, much less idyllic.

"Cas! Cas, come on! Wake up! I know you're in there, wake up Cas! CASTIEL!"

"Dean…" Cas croaked out his voice hoarse and broken. He was lying on the ground and he seemed to be bleeding from several areas. All of a sudden he felt the intensity of the pain he was in. It took effort not to scream.

"Come on Cas," Sam said, hoisting Cas so that he was being supported by both Winchesters, one on each side.

"Let's take you home."

Comment in the comments! next chapter is gonna be pretty angst-y (well, for me) and should be up soon-ish!


	8. Farther than the Sun

When Castiel awoke he was lying in his bed, Dean was sitting in a chair next to him, watching TV.

"Dean…" Castiel croaked, his voice was weak and painful.

"Oh." Dean looked at him, registering his open eyes, "Sam! He's awake." Sam rushed into the room, looking startled then relieved at Castiel's consciousness.

"Cas! Man, we thought you had slipped into a coma or something, how do you feel?"

"Like shit." Cas responded, not bothering to lie to cover up the pain and fatigue he was experiencing. "Dean, what happened?" Dean acted like Castiel hadn't spoken, walking out of Cas's room in the direction of the kitchen.

"Sam?" Cas said, asking for an explanation of Dean's behavior. He sounded as though he were about to cry. Sam sighed and sat down in the chair that Dean had just left.

"We didn't notice you were gone right away, Cas. But when we did, Dean freaked out, he was going to go look for you, but right then the djinn attacked. We killed the djinn pretty quickly, but it took us forever to find you. It was only when we doubled back that we found the secret passage you had taken. By the time we found you, you were almost dead.

Dean's pissed off because you left us, you knew it was dangerous and yet you left anyway. It almost got you killed, Cas. Dean's barely spoken since we brought you back and it's been a week. He's really mad, man." Sam looked down, fiddling with his thumbs.

"Sam, I am sorry, I am so sorry. I never meant to worry you or Dean, I just wanted to prove that I could be useful to you guys, as a hunter."

"It's cool, man, I'm past it." Sam was almost out the door when he added, "If it makes you feel any better, Dean hasn't left your side to do anything but take a piss for a week."

"Sam?" Sam paused on his way to the door, "Thank you. For everything."

"Sure thing." Sam responded with a smile, closing the door behind him and leaving Cas with his own thoughts. A couple of minutes later, Dean returned carrying a bowl of hot chicken noodle soup and a tall glass of orange juice. He wordlessly placed them on the chair by Cas's bed and left without a word, ignoring Cas's calls for him to wait.

In a couple of days Cas is well enough to walk again, and he does so, adamantly refusing help from the Winchesters. Well, really it was just Sam because as soon as Cas seemed fully recovered, Dean started spending more and more time away from the bunker. Eventually he started leaving for hunts by himself, always telling Sam before he left,

"Look after him." As if he couldn't even bear to say Castiel's name.

Dean had been gone for a day now, off hunting a roogaroo somewhere in Colorado. Cas was looking for Sam throughout the bunker, and found him in Dean's room, drinking whiskey from a bottle, and staring at the television with eyes that were a little watery.

"Sam? What is upsetting you?" Castiel asked, concerned for his friend. Sam jumped when he saw Cas, wiping his eyes hastily on the back of his hand.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. What do you want, Cas?"

"No. You are not fine. What is upsetting you?" Sam gave in, and Cas thought, _the wonderful thing about Sam is that he is much more willing to have discussions than Dean. _

"When me and Dean were young Dad would leave us alone to go on hunts all the time. Barely any warning, no phone calls, just left us. And before he left every time, he would say to Dean, 'Look after Sam.' And it's just, I'm just…"

"You are afraid Dean is turning into your father."

"Yea… kind of." Sam admitted in a small voice.

"Sam." Castiel looked him straight in the eye, wanting the younger Winchester to know he was serious. "I promise you, I will not let you suffer for my mistakes. I will do whatever it takes to fix things with Dean. Even if it means I cannot stay with you any longer; I will not let myself come between you two."

So the next chapter is going to be the climax of the story, with curses and yelling! Yay! Comment with anything you want.


	9. Confession

Dean came home from his roogaroo hunt. He was in a better mood than when he had left, telling Sam,

"Oh, yea, it went good. Ganked that son of a bitch easy, and the local girl that had the most trouble, well, she was very _grateful_." He ended with a wink that has Sam rolling his eyes and pulling a bitchface simultaneously. Castiel felt a pull in his gut that he couldn't identify, along with something that felt almost like anger. But why would he be angry that Dean had had a successful hunt? Cas thought to himself. Castiel decided to ignore his bizarre human reactions for now.

Cas had a plan. Or he thought he did. Phase one of his plan: bribery. He took the keys to the Impala, telling Sam he was just running an errand, and drove to the nearest supermarket. There he purchased the best looking pecan pie, and taking it home in a box. The former angel found Dean relaxing with a beer and a Dr. Sexy marathon. Time for phase two: confrontation.

"Hello Dean." Castiel said, his voice ringing with authority. Dean's eyes flicked over to the angel, but he said nothing to acknowledge Castiel's presence.

"Dean, you cannot continue to ignore me. I will not allow it." With that Cas grabbed the remote and put Dr. Sexy on mute. This got the hunter's attention.

"What, Cas?" His aggressive voice caused Cas to flinch, and something like an apology flickered in Dean's eyes before his expression went back to a glare.

"Dean, I understand that you are mad at me, and I will do everything in my power to fix that, for our sake and for Sam's."

"Don't bring Sam into this, this is between you and me."

"Sam is fearing that you are turning into your father Dean! He feels abandoned again, just like you both did as children."

"Don't FUCKING bring that into this Cas! This is between you and me, so don't you fucking go there!

"What even is this, Dean?" Cas low growl of a voice now matched Dean's anger. "What are you even mad at me for?! So what, I got hurt on a hunt? Like that's never happened to you before?! Why can't you just suck it up and move on?

"Why can't I suck it up?!" Dean parodied the question, mocking Castiel.

"Because I love you Cas! Because you mean more to me than the world and I don't fucking know what I would do with myself is I lost you! Because you can't just almost die like that and expect everything to be fine! I love you, Cas." Dean's voice broken, he was already at the door when Cas heard the last sentence.

"I can't be close to you anymore." Dean grabbed his car keys and slammed the door behind him, leaving Cas, shocked, sitting on the bed with a pecan pie, and Dr. Sexy playing on the TV.

Sorry it took so long, I've been really busy! Next one will be up within a week. Please comment with anything you wish to share!


	10. Redemption

Sam bust into Dean's room to find Cas still sitting on the bed, staring at the door.

"What happened, Cas? I heard yelling, and now Dean's gone." His face creased with worry,

Sam thought he had an inkling of the conversation that had occurred, but he didn't want to get involved.

"Sam, I think we need two cars. There are three of us living here now, and whenever one takes the Impala the others are stuck." Cas kept his voice very calm and controlled despite the fact that his mind was racing furiously.

"Oh, yea. Actually, we have a couple of old clunkers in the woods behind the bunker. Brought them over from Bobby's old place." Sam ignored the fact that Cas had refused to answer his question, he really didn't want to get sucked in to his brother's crazy love life.

"Perfect. Are they functional?"

"I don't really know. You can try one out and seem, the keys are in the ignition." Castiel left the bunker without another word, and the next thing Sam heard was the loud sound of an old car being driven much faster than it should. Sam allowed himself a chuckle, before putting away the pie that Cas had left.

It only took Castiel a couple of hours to find Dean. He went to all the motels within an hour's drive from the bunker, and checked each front desk for a Dean Winchester, or any of Dean's most common aliases. By the seventh dingy motel Castiel checked he was getting frustrated, and the clerk at the desk was being deliberately allusive about whether or not Ian Anderson was staying there. Castiel narrowed his eyes, before reaching over the desk to grab the young clerk,

"You don't understand. I _need_ to find him." The clerk was sufficiently scared, jerking hastily away from Castiel, before looking down at his records and squealing,

"Yes, Yes, its all right here, Ian Anderson, room 154, checked in at about 3:30."

"Thank you." Castiel barked in a gruff tone, and the clerk flinched a little. Cas found room 154 after a quick glance at the floor layout, and knocked three times. The door was wrenched open, and Cas was met with a splash of holy water.

"Hello Dean." Cas spluttered, wiping his face clear.

"What do you want Cas?" Dean's tone was angry and unwelcoming, but Castiel could hear the hurt behind it.

"May I come in?" Dean muttered answer sounded suspiciously like "fuck you", but he opened the door for Cas anyway. The room was small and under decorated, with taupe wallpaper that was peeling at the corners. The curtains over the small window were an ugly floral pattern that was matched in the bed sheets. The bed was still untouched, and so Cas guessed Dean had been pacing.

"What do you want, Cas? Why are you here?" Dean didn't do as well at hiding the pain in his voice this time and Castiel's heart broke for him. Dean, who had suffered so much, and sacrificed so much was being put through more pain, and again it was Castiel's fault.

"Dean-" Cas began, his voice filled with emotion, with a hundred things he wanted to say. But her couldn't get any of them out, so instead he strode purposefully across the room, grabbed Dean, and kissed him hard on the lips. For a magical moment they kissed, Dean instinctively drawing Cas closer, holding him so tightly it almost hurt, but Cas didn't care, he just wanted to be closer to Dean, and after all this time to finally belong to the hunter. The moment ended when Dean pushed Cas away, questioning him with their typical soulful stare. And suddenly, Cas knew exactly what to say.

"Dean I have loved you since I raised you from perdition, and if you'll have me, I will continue to love you for the rest of time."

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